Wednesday, 28 September 2016

Life Update

Metformin, photo frame and marble notebook on white wooden background


As you all know, I've been dealing with a large ovarian cyst that was diagnosed almost twelve months ago now. I'm sick of saying that word, so I think I'm just going to call it 'The Alien' from now on. I've been back for various appointments during that time, and the alien has just gotten bigger, and bigger, and bigger. On my last visit, just over a week ago, it was a whopping 15cm! Huuuuuuuuuuge! Although she said she was happy with my progress, she said they have to intervene because it's getting dangerous. I was totally prepared to be fobbed off for a few more months and told to lose a little more weight, but the sudden sense of urgency was kind of terrifying. As I write this, I'm in a lot of pain. This has kind of become the norm for me, which is upsetting, but I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. Oh yeah, and as a result of the sheer size of this alien, I now have sciatica. What a real kick in the tits!

But hey, I'm finally getting my op, and it couldn't come any sooner. I am in some degree of pain literally almost all of the time. I've cried a lot, I've screamed a lot, and I have been downright fucking miserable - but that's okay. You don't have to be positive all the time. Sometimes you are dealt a piece of shit hand. In some respects, things have gotten a little better. I mean, I haven't given up with the Metformin. I ended up switching to the slow release, which is much easier on the stomach. I've found those a lot easier to deal with. I still get moments of nausea, and they haven't been too bad lately. I've worked out my trigger foods and successfully managed to cut down on dairy a significant amount.

It's hard not to get swept up in the overwhelming anger I've felt in the last few months. I'm angry that appointments take so long and that I can't do exercise without being in a stupid amount of pain, but moreover that it feels like my body has turned against me in a horrible way. I've taken it out on family and friends (Poor Dave doesn't know what to do with me most of the time), and I'm very sorry for that.

It isn't all miserable! Other than that, things are not bad at all. I'm working hard on staying motivated with my blog. I'm trying to improve my photography, which is a long journey but is going well so far! Finally picked up a set of softbox lights after having a go with  Danielle's and falling in love with them. Next step is a new camera!

Hopefully, by the end of the year, I'll have had my op (doubtful), and I will have some good news to share! Please don't think I post things like this for attention or pity. If I can help just one person build up the courage to see their GP about something like this, then it's worth any negative opinions. If you have any questions, or if you're going through anything similar feel free to get in touch! I'd love to hear your experiences!



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